Prayer


 As I was thinking through the spoken word in the video, I realized how deep the meaning of the sentences can go. For me, when I said, “give up the hope just to take it back broke” it was because I felt like my prayer was a joke. Like it wasn’t good enough to make a difference and it seems like all I got back in return was broken dreams and a shattered hope.  I also realize that I don’t believe that I have told you about the medicine I took for anxiety. During spring break I was on a medicine that I thought was working. However, it turned out to make it worse and I started to deal with suicidal thoughts. During that time of being so hopeful thinking I found something to ease the pain my hope was then crushed over and over as I tried medicine again. That is why I said that, “prayer is that antidote that doesn’t make me freak.” I’m still scared to take medicine and afraid of the consequences of it. The doctor suggested me to wait until I’m 20 which made me even more hopeless because I’ve already waited so long.  When I say that the pain is all so physical, I’m being literal. Many think, “oh, you’re not weak or you don’t feel broken down because you’re not sick and you don’t have some disease.”Mental illness is a disease and it does hurt you physically.  It breaks you down and uses up a lot of energy. Imagine having all of your emotional and mental time being taken up trying to fight that, don’t you think that would make you tired because that’s what you go through when you have a mental mess.  You feel like a mess. Emotions scattered everywhere like dirty laundry and pain covering up the floors that you cannot sweep.  People are so scared of the words anxiety, OCD, and depression. They don’t know how to deal with it if someone asks for help or encouragement because no one wants to bring up that problem.  Having a breakdown is not something to laugh at. It is the most difficult thing you can go through because no one knows how you’re feeling and you can’t explain it to them because there are no words to describe being pulled down in different ways at every side. Everyone has a little anxiety but no one has it the same. A lot of people say I know how you feel but it seems like a joke  because they really don’t. Everyone has different symptoms and different feelings based on your life and personality. But there is someone who understands every little thing about you even if you can’t explain it to yourself. That person is God. Through prayer we can talk to God and we get to hear his voice coming back through reading his word and listening. And the line that I said, “I got something better, I got to depend on God and learn more about his letter.” It used to say and learn more about His power but to learn about His power you have to read in his letter, or his word. I felt like He wasn’t doing anything but it was me who didn’t understand how He was doing things because I didn’t understand Him since I wasn’t reading his word. My challenge for you is to get close to a good bunch of people that are Godly people, read the Bible together or alone, and listen to God through prayer and through silence just take the time to kneel or stand even if it’s in a field somewhere and take in God‘s creation and what he’s done, even the little things can make a difference. Sometimes I don’t feel very thankful because He won’t take away the one thing I’m asking Him to over and over again. But if I think about it the things that He has taken away would’ve been much worse if He hadn’t. Please stay strong in God and listen to the words that His note has taught. Don’t forget to keep on living, you’ll regret it if you don’t.

2 Chorinthians 12:7-10
 So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given to me in the flash, a messenger of Satan to harass me to keep me from becoming conceded. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  For the sake of Christ then, I am content with weakness, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities for when I am weak, then I am strong.

Psalm 38:7
 For my sides are filled with burning, and there is no soundness in my flesh.

Even our God went through pain:
Luke 22:42
 Father if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.

1 Peter 5:10
 And the God of all grace who called you to his eternal glory in Christ after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.


Please listen to the lyrics of this song carefully:
https://youtu.be/fEEej3t3fkE

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